Surrogacy is one route to parenthood for gay couples, and many couples start thinking about it in the months after the wedding. In surrogacy, a woman carries and gives birth to a baby for the people who will raise the child, known as the intended parents. This guide explains how it works, what to understand about the law first, and why many couples look at Mexico.
The short answer
- In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate carries an embryo created with a donor egg and sperm from one of you, so she is not the baby’s genetic mother.
- The law differs sharply from country to country and, in the US, from state to state.
- In the UK, the surrogate is the child’s legal mother at birth, the agreement cannot be enforced and you apply for a parental order afterwards.
- Take specialist legal advice in every country involved before you sign anything.
Why the conversation often starts after the wedding
For many couples, getting married is the moment the future feels concrete. Once the planning is over, talk turns to whether you want children and how you would build a family. If the wedding is still ahead of you, our complete gay wedding planning guide covers the first stage, and our advice on staying stress-free while planning a gay wedding is worth a read before you add a second big project.
Surrogacy is not the only route. Adoption, fostering and co-parenting arrangements with friends are others, and each has its own legal and emotional path. This article covers surrogacy only. It takes time, so many couples enjoy a long trip together first; our list of gay honeymoon destinations is a good place to start.
How surrogacy works for two men
Most arrangements follow the same broad steps. You choose a country and a clinic, agency or non-profit organisation. You are matched with a surrogate, and with an egg donor if you need one. Both sides take their own independent legal advice and agree the terms. Embryos are created and transferred at a fertility clinic, which may take more than one attempt. After the birth come the legal steps that decide who is the legal parent and which passport the child can hold. Ask every provider for a written timeline and a full written breakdown of costs.
The UK and the US
Surrogacy is lawful in the UK, but it is tightly limited. The agreement between you and the surrogate cannot be enforced in court, and it is illegal for a third party to negotiate a surrogacy arrangement on a commercial basis.
The US has no federal surrogacy law, so the rules depend on the state where the baby is born and where the agreement is signed. Several states have passed new surrogacy laws in the last two years, and the position can change. A lawyer who works in your chosen state is essential. If you are still sorting out the legal side of your own marriage, our guide to getting a marriage license as a same-sex couple in the US explains how state rules work for weddings.
Why couples look at Mexico
TravelGay, our sister site, has published a detailed guide, Surrogacy in Mexico: The Complete Guide for Gay Men and Same-Sex Couples. These are the main points it makes:
- Who can apply. Programmes are open to gay couples, single gay men, lesbian couples, heterosexual couples and HIV-positive intended parents.
- Cost. The guide puts full-service programmes at roughly $55,000 to $65,000 USD for parents who already have embryos, and $65,000 to $80,000 or more with an egg donor, compared with $150,000 to over $200,000 USD for surrogacy in the US. Egg donor compensation, legal steps and in-country living costs come on top.
- Speed. It says leading agencies can match you with a screened surrogate and complete an embryo transfer within 8 to 10 weeks of embryos being ready.
- Getting home. US parents typically return two to three weeks after the birth. UK parents should plan for about six to eight weeks in Mexico, then apply for a parental order at home.
- Insurance. Programme fees usually cover an uncomplicated birth, not a stay in neonatal intensive care. UK parents will not have NHS cover for the baby in Mexico, so private medical insurance matters.
The guide also explains how to choose an egg donor, what the optional Judicial Amparo process does to the birth certificate and how to compare cities.
An agency TravelGay recommends
TravelGay has a partnership with Miracle Surrogacy, which it describes as the largest and longest-established surrogacy agency in Mexico. According to the guide, it was founded in 2014 by a gay couple who had their own children through surrogacy and works from Cancún, Mexico City and Mérida. TravelGay readers can quote the code TG26 when they enquire with Miracle Surrogacy for $1,000 USD off an egg donor, or $1,000 USD off embryo shipping if you already have embryos. We link to the agency because of that partnership. As TravelGay advises, speak to several agencies and to former clients, and read independent reviews, before you commit.
The legal picture still needs care. In 2021 the Supreme Court struck down a state rule that limited surrogacy to married heterosexual Mexican couples, but Mexico has no comprehensive national surrogacy law, and most states have not adopted that ruling, according to Mexico News Daily. Choose a lawyer as carefully as you choose an agency.
The legal points for UK parents
If you live in England or Wales, these points apply wherever the baby is born:
- The surrogate is the child’s legal mother at birth.
- A foreign birth certificate or court order does not replace a UK parental order.
- A parental order is made by a court in England and Wales, and only after the child has arrived in the UK.
- At least one applicant must be domiciled in the UK, the Channel Islands or the Isle of Man, the child must live with you when you apply and at least one of you must be the genetic parent.
- You usually need to apply within six months of the birth.
- Scotland and Northern Ireland follow different procedures.
The Foreign, Commonwealth and Development Office tells you to take specialist independent legal advice in both countries and warns that bringing a child home after an overseas birth can be long and complicated. Its surrogacy overseas guidance is the place to start. If you are marrying in the UK first, our guide to same-sex marriage in the UK explains the process step by step.
Questions to ask any clinic or agency
- How are surrogates and donors screened, supported and counselled, and who pays for their independent legal advice?
- What does the fee cover, and what happens if an attempt fails?
- Can you speak to couples who have used the agency, including those whose journey did not go smoothly?
- How are neonatal intensive care costs handled?
- How long must you stay abroad, and who handles the child’s passport and citizenship application?
Surrogacy is not regulated in every country, so do not assume a provider is reliable because it has a good website. Take your time, and walk away from anyone who rushes you. Agree early how you will make decisions together and how you will cope if a transfer does not work.
When you are ready to celebrate a milestone or simply to rest, Out Of Office, our sister travel company, plans tailor-made trips for couples, and its luxury honeymoon planning is a good starting point.
Frequently asked questions
Is surrogacy legal for gay couples in the UK?
Surrogacy is lawful in the UK, but the agreement cannot be enforced and it is illegal for a third party to arrange it on a commercial basis. The surrogate is the legal mother at birth, and you apply to the court for a parental order afterwards.
Can we have a baby through surrogacy abroad and bring the child to the UK?
Many couples do, but the process can be long. You need to confirm that the child is entitled to enter the UK, and if the child is entitled to British citizenship you must apply for a UK passport from overseas, which can take several months. The parental order comes after the child reaches the UK. Read the official guidance on surrogacy overseas and take legal advice first.
How long do UK parents stay in Mexico?
TravelGay’s guide to surrogacy in Mexico suggests budgeting about six to eight weeks in the country around the birth, covering the time before delivery and the exit paperwork afterwards. US parents typically stay for a shorter period.
Photo: Anton Tseiko on Unsplash
