You may have been asked to be the Maid-Of-Honor. This is an important role in an LGBTQ+ wedding, but what do they do? Well, here we have our ultimate guide for a Maid-Of-Honor at an LGBTQ+ wedding! We also have guides on other wedding party roles here.
What is a Maid-Of-Honor at an LGBTQ+ wedding?
The “Maid-Of-Honor” or “Chief bridesmaid” is a key role in the LGBTQ+ wedding party. They are the sidekick who is there to offer their support throughout the entire wedding process, not just there to plan a great Hen Do or Bachelorette Party. It’s a real privilege to be the Maid-Of-Honor as they have quite a few important tasks to assist the bride in. (if you’re a Maid-of-Honor to a groom then we have a handy guide for that too!) The roles will vary from keeping the bridal party organized to providing the tissues at the outfit fittings. They are there to help lighten the very stressful wedding load.
Who should be the Maid-Of-Honor at an LGBTQ+ wedding?
Anyone who is closest to the bride should be the first choice for the Maid-Of-Honor, this can be a best friend, sibling or close relative. You’d want this person to know you well and be able to calm you down when things get stressful. We don’t recommend choosing someone out of politeness because you don’t want to cause upset or as a last-minute decision. When it comes to the more personal duties of a Maid-Of-Honor, they may not understand what the bride wants or how to assist them.
What are the duties of a Maid-Of-Honor before an LGBTQ+ wedding?
- Communicate honestly with the bride/s, find out which tasks are most important to them and allocate smaller tasks to the rest of the bridal party.
- The Hen Do/Bachelorette is probably the most well-known job that you will tackle. It’s a good idea to jot all your ideas down straight away and discuss with the bride/s their do’s & don’ts. You want to give enough time so that everyone can budget and save for activities that require booking to avoid disappointment.
- Another event you may also be responsible for would be the wedding Shower if the couple is having one. You should attend all oufit fittings including the brides. Whether it’s your honest opinion or trying on 30 dresses until you find the perfect shade of yellow, outfit shopping shouldn’t be left to the bride alone. This also means rounding up the rest of the bridal party, ensuring everyone gets to their fittings and alterations. You want to limit the last minute faffing as much as possible!
- Connecting the group means there are probably a few people in the bridal party who may not have met yet so make a group chat or send out an icebreaker email. It’s good for you to open the conversation and set you as the point of contact. The bride will be preoccupied with many other tasks so doing this will help their anxiety when it comes to introducing everyone.
- The wedding may have some DIY projects, e.g. invitations or wedding favors so why make a night of it! Try host a craft night with some bubbly and let the creative juices flow!
- There are a few things to prep before the wedding such as the Maid-Of-Honor’s speech. It’s not a requirement but it is a way to express your appreciation for the couple and bring a few tears to people’s eyes. We have a few suggestions on how to write a great wedding speech.
- Another good thing to prep before the wedding is an emergency kit. This may seem a little over the top at first but when it comes to the day and one of the bridal party’s dresses has torn or there’s a bloody blister, you’ll be thanking us when the emergency kit can come in handy! It only requires some essentials such as safety pins, painkillers and plasters but anything you think that may come in handy chuck in there.
- Something that may be a sweet gesture to the bride and to say thank you for the privilege of being in their bridal party is to get a small memento between the Maid-Of-Honor and the other bridesmaids. Give this to the bride on the morning of the wedding.
- The night before the wedding you should check and double-check all the accessories, garments and jewelry. Lay them out and any other minor details for easy access in the morning.
What are the duties of a Maid-Of-Honor during an LGBTQ+ wedding?
- The getting ready part is such a nerve-racking yet exciting moment leading up to the ceremony. It’s the bride’s final few moments before joining their life with another so they ought to be nervous. Calm those nerves by getting a round of mimosas and dedicating a toast to the brides future! That said, keep a close eye on everyone and limit the mimosas to only a few before the ceremony. Also make sure everyone has had breakfast before the ceremony. The last thing we want is a nauseus member of the bridal party from being too drunk, dehydrated or malnourished!
- Take photos! There might be a photographer at the getting ready process, even so you may want to take some candid shots of everyone before the ceremony. Don’t forget to get the photo of the photographer too – it’s a lovely behind the scenes shot.
- Bathroom assistance. This one is a bit random but personal and necessary if the bride has opted for a flowing dress. It can sometimes be a challenging task… alone! This means helping the bride hitch up that skirt when the time comes and making sure both you and the bride go without accidents. It’s a “you had to be there” moment in the day and one you’ll reminisce on constantly.
- If the bride has a bouquet, then holding it during the ceremony is a usual requirement. Take it from them after they have been down the aisle. This avoids any awkward transfers when it’s time to exchange the rings.
- After the ceremony, make sure all the guests know the direction to the reception. This will help move the day along smoothly.
- Time for the reception and (hopefully!) the tough tasks are out of the way by now. It’s a matter of keeping the energy high with lots of dancing and delivering that speech with enthusiasm!
What are the duties of a Maid-Of-Honor after an LGBTQ+ wedding?
- After the reception, the Best Man and / or the Maid-Of-Honor may need to decorate the getaway car. Round up the wedding party and get the streamers out!
- Helping to clear the bridal suite isn’t a requirement but it’s a kind thing to do as the couple will want to spend the remainder of the day celebrating, not cleaning and packing!
The wedding is over but there are still a couple of tasks you can assist the happy couple with. Help return any rentals that were used while they are on their honeymoon. Perhaps the brides want to keep their dresses or outfits. You can help arrange this too.
Are there any differences with having a Maid-Of-Honor at an LGBTQ+ wedding?
Yes and no… the tasks that come with the title are generally the same but the title itself may change. If you’re trying to make your wedding a more gender-neutral event then names like “wedding attendant” can be a better term to use. We’ve also seen the terms Bridesman, Groomswoman, Man-Of-Honor and Best Woman being thrown around so use whatever you and your guests feel comfortable with! Planning an LGBTQ+ wedding means you get to tailor your event to your own preferences and get creative with the roles!
Author: Chante Mclaughlin
Creative Executive for GayandLesbianWeddings.com
